United Kingdom Nul Points!

[Cointreau]

I can barely contain my excitement. A huge musical event is underway in little Azerbaijan. It is of course the Eurovision song contest! I imagine that this is a huge event for this tiny east european country whilst totally escaping the attentions of North Americans. The azeris are hosting this years event because they won it last year. And they actually built an impressive new concert arena from scratch specifically for this show.
The UK wont win because those pesky europeans don't seem to like us very much hence we wont get many votes. So this year in our desperation we have brought out one of the big guns. The Hump is performing for us! None other than Engelbert Humperdink. It probably won't make the slightest difference though. The Hump will probably be humbled.
We Brits tend to watch this show to amuse ourselves, as some of the songs and costumes are laughably bad. Then once the music stops the long drawn out voting process begins and the voting itself seems to be predetermined and fixed beforehand. Sweden will vote for Norway who in turn will vote for Sweden. Germany and Austria vote for each other. Spain and Portugal have their cosy agreement, well you get the picture.

[Cointreau]

If the voting is free and fair, and there is any justice in this world then the German entry should win. Easily the best song in my opinion. We shall see.

[Cointreau]

Well, Sweden won it this year, Russia came second with six elderly babushkas, don't ask me why, and the United Kingdom came
25th out of 26 countries. Germany came nowhere. That's Eurovision for you, more based on politics rather than the quality of the music.
Anyway,congratulations to Sweden and Kapten Horntand!